


would've, could've

by suddenlyatiger



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Abortion, Minor Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Mpreg, POV Multiple, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, not cool parenting decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 04:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21470230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenlyatiger/pseuds/suddenlyatiger
Summary: Stiles was pregnant once before.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 22
Kudos: 464





	would've, could've

**Author's Note:**

> so I banged this out as quickly as I could before I got distracted and it ended up in the pile of WIPs
> 
> this is based loosely off of the manga Hiyama Kentaro's First Pregnancy, specifically the third chapter about a teenage boy whose parents pretty much make the decision for him to get an abortion (male pregnancy is a thing in that universe), I've only made it through about half the chapter so far (because it's only in Japanese and my translating ability is slow af) but this fic doesn't have much to do with that story beyond the universe and the one detail about the abortion happening

The home pregnancy test comes up positive and Stiles feels the blood turn to ice in his veins. Derek's face is carefully blank when Stiles turns to look at him where he's sitting on the closed toilet lid.

He's seen the result.

"So…" Derek says, voice even. "Is this… bad?" Stiles gulps and blinks away the tears pricking at his eyes.

"You tell me," he says. Derek's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

***

_Stiles was pregnant once before._

_He and Heather hadn't been dating or anything. They'd run into each other at a party after not having seen each other for years (not since Stiles' mother - one of Heather's mother's best friends - had died and they just drifted away from each other) and decided, after maybe a few drinks, to lose their virginity to each other._

_All told it had been a good night, and would have been a good memory had Stiles not found himself pregnant a few weeks later._

_Pregnancy in cis-males had still been a fairly new development at the time, barely a decade had gone by since the first recorded case, and the stigma of a pregnant man was still negative (a blend of misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia). Stiles had been terrified, both of impending fatherhood and public perception, but he figured that he'd be able to handle it with his father and Scott on his side to lend support._

_But only a few days after Stiles had come clean to the sheriff, he was sitting in a hospital waiting room, not Beacon Hills Memorial, somewhere farther away where neither of them would be recognized, waiting for an abortion he tried to convince himself that he wanted._

_He never told Heather about any of it._

_Scott didn't even know._

***

When Stiles and Derek had moved in together a little over a year earlier, Stiles had taken a small wooden box, about the size of a standard shoe box, with him from his childhood home. The box lives in the top shelf in the closet and Stiles doesn't ever take it out. He'd never told Derek not to touch it, but Derek had always had the impression that it was something private and had stayed away from it.

He's worried when Stiles comes back to the bathroom with it, after the positive pregnancy test. Derek is still sitting on the closed toilet lid, now absently flipping the pregnancy test around in his hand. To be completely honest, he's actually excited by this; he's always wanted a family. He'd thought that Stiles had wanted the same thing, but his behaviour now is worrying him.

Stiles walks over and puts the box on the bathroom counter. He's quiet as he opens it, and Derek can see his hands shaking. Stiles reaches into the box and shuffles a few things around before he pulls out a piece of paper about the size of a postcard. He gives it a shake, making it flap, before passing it over to Derek.

It's an ultrasound printout.

"I thought you said you didn't see a doctor yet," Derek says, confused.

"I didn't yet," Stiles croaks. "Not for this one."

The date on the printout is over ten years old.

"Oh," Derek says.

***

_Stiles didn't want an ultrasound, but he got one anyway._

_He cried the whole way through it. The nurse, to her credit, seemed sympathetic and handed Stiles tissues without comment._

_"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" the nurse asked him when she handed him a printout, that he quickly shoved in his pocket. "We have counselors here you can speak to if you still have any reservations."_

_Stiles thought about his father, sitting stone-faced out in the waiting room, who hadn't said a word to Stiles since before they left the house that morning. Had actually barely spoken to him at all since Stiles first went to him about being pregnant._

_"No," Stiles said._

_He was dry-eyed by the time the procedure was over and he was released to his father._

_Neither of them spoke about it again._

***

The story pours out of Stiles in one long stream, and he doesn't look at Derek as he talks.

This is the first time he's told anyone the whole story. The first time he's told anyone about the pregnancy at all, actually. He and Derek have moved to the living room couch by this point, which makes it easier to not look at Derek and read his feelings in his expression.

He doesn't expect Derek to wrap him up in a hug when he finally runs out of words.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Derek says.

"It's fine," Stiles says, which is what he's been telling himself for years. "It wouldn't have been a good idea for me to have a baby then. You remember how I was when you first knew me? Would you put that kid in charge of an infant?"

"Doesn't matter," Derek says. "It still should've been your choice." Stiles wants to say something to that, but he can't. Because that's something else he's been telling himself for years, on really bad days when he'd wondered 'what if?'.

***

_When what would have been his due date rolled around, Stiles didn't leave his bed._

_He thought his father would have something to say about it, but he didn't do anything but complain about Stiles missing school._

_He moped around for weeks after that._

_The distraction of werewolves almost came as a blessing._

***

Derek takes Stiles to see a doctor out of town to confirm the pregnancy.

They make a whole adventure of it - planning to maybe see a movie and stay overnight in a hotel - to distract them from the real reason why they're going so far out of their way.

"It's not like I'm never gonna tell him," Stiles had said, when he'd brought up not wanting to go to Beacon Hills Memorial. "But I don't want it getting back to him before I'm ready."

"That's fine," Derek had said. "But you know he can't force you to do anything about it one way or the other, right?" Stiles hadn't had an answer to that.

A part of Derek knows that Stiles is maybe being a bit overly paranoid about this. He's an adult now, he no longer lives with his father, he has his own life. But another part of Derek, the part created by his many traumas, knows that this kind of thinking can't just be waved away with logic and facts.

So he drives Stiles to a hospital out of town and sits in the waiting room hoping that eventually all this fear and anxiety will turn to joy and anticipation because they're in love and going to have a baby together.

Stiles grabs Derek's hand when his name is called. "Come with me?" he asks.

"Of course," Derek says.

***

_Most of the time Stiles didn't think of it._

_It got easier as time went on._

_But sometimes he would be triggered by the most random things and then spiral down in a depressive state that would last for weeks._

_Derek and Stiles had only just started dating the year seeing the Back to School sales coming out made Stiles want to cry. He didn't realize that he'd been unconsciously keeping track, but of course he had._

_Stiles didn't talk to Derek about it, because the relationship was still so new and he didn't want to cause any unnecessary drama. He just avoided the big stores during the months of August and September, and hoped that no one would comment on it._

_The hurt came back around the same time next year, but he was prepared for it so it wasn't as bad._

***

John hasn't seen a lot of Stiles over the past couple of months. He mostly puts it down to schooling, as Stiles is (finally) coming to the end of his university education. He's proud of Stiles' educational achievements, even though he has no idea why he'd want to be in school for as long as he has been (almost six or seven years for some mythology stuff that John barely understands).

So he's pleasantly surprised when Stiles shows up unexpectedly at the station for lunch one day.

"Hey there!" John says, always pleased to see him. Stiles gives him a small smile and sets a paper bag on John's desk.

"Hey," he says. Even with that one word, John can tell that something is off. He gives Stiles a once-over, but can't really pick up on anything that way. Stiles looks pretty good, though he maybe needs a haircut.

"What's up?" John asks, keeping his voice deliberately upbeat. "Haven't seen you in a while. Some final thesis thing kicking your ass?"

"I don't need a final 'thesis thing' for my program," Stiles says. "Though course work is kicking my ass."

"You're smart, you'll beat it," John says. He opens the paper bag and finds tacos. Tacos from the new health-food restaurant downtown, but still a bit less healthy than most of the fast food Stiles brings for him. And there's a small cup of guac in the bag as well. John's pretty sure that something's up now.

"I'm so close to the end that I can almost taste it," Stiles says. "Then I'll be done with school forever."

"And won't that be exciting," John says. "So what's up? Not that I don’t like seeing you, but I have to admit that the tacos are making me a bit nervous." He pulls one out of the bag and gestures at Stiles with it, who fidgets where he's standing by John's desk. And that's when John realizes that he hasn't flopped into one of the chairs in front of the desk like he usually would. "You're not staying for lunch?"

"Derek's waiting out in the car," Stiles says. "I just came to drop that off." He takes a deep breath. "And some news."

"Oh?" John asks. He takes a bite of taco and eyes Stiles, who isn't really looking at him.

"I'm pregnant," Stiles says in a rush. John blinks in surprise and swallows his bite of taco.

"That's great, Stiles," he says. He smiles, but Stiles still looks nervous.

"Is it?" Stiles asks.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" John asks. Stiles doesn't say anything to that, just grimaces briefly. He takes his phone out of his pocket and pecks at the screen before turning it to show John. It's an ultrasound photo. John feels some excitement grow as he studies it. His first grandchild.

His first grandchild is looking pretty well-developed in the printout. John frowns in confusion. He looks at Stiles' midsection, but can't really pick anything out with the baggy sweater (which most likely belongs to Derek) he's got on.

"How far along are you?" John asks.

"25 weeks," Stiles says. John raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"That's a bit late to be finding something like this out," he says. John hasn't really kept up with all the developments about cis-male pregnancy over the years, but he knows enough that symptoms and detection are pretty much the same as they are in cis-women. That had been known since the beginning.

"I found out a few months ago," Stiles says, putting his phone away. "I'm only telling you now."

"Why?" John asks. He sees Stiles hesitate.

"Because," he says. "It's after the cut-off date. It's viable now, according to the law, anyway." It takes John a second to figure out what that means, but he goes cold all over once he does.

"Stiles…" he says.

It's not something he really things about. Maybe he'll have a fleeting thought in passing. But now a memory slams into him of Stiles at 15, all big eyes and flailing limbs and shorn hair, meeting him back in a strange hospital waiting room with dry red-rimmed eyes and as still and quiet as John had ever seen him. It's been about ten years and neither of them have so much as mentioned it to each other since it happened. Stiles had gone back to life as usual and John had figured that that was that.

"It's whatever," Stiles says, moving towards the office door. "Even I know that it was stupid to wait this long, but, well…" He makes a sweeping hand gesture. "Anyway I better get back before Derek comes in looking for me. See you later." He's gone before John can make himself say anything else.

He doesn't finish his tacos.

***

_When Scott and Kira had their baby, Stiles was insanely jealous._

_He'd actually avoided Kira for most of her pregnancy and felt bad about it, but still couldn't make himself stop. And he had to force himself to go see her and the baby in the hospital._

_He studied the baby when it was his turn to hold her, forcing himself to keep calm although he was pretty sure that something in his scent or heartbeat gave something away because Derek hugged him to his side when Stiles handed the baby back over to Scott._

_Stiles watched the new family and something in him ached. Maybe he could've had something like that if he'd spoken up back then, tried to actually fight against what was happening. Maybe things would've been different if he'd taken the nurse up on her offer to speak to that counselor, gotten someone in his corner to stop what was coming._

_But it was all long done by now and he couldn't change it. He could only look towards the future._

_One day, he hoped to have something like this with Derek. _

_Judging by the soppy expression on Derek's face when it was his turn to hold the baby, he most likely would._

***

The Santa onesie is ridiculous-looking but Stiles buys it anyway because it's his baby boy's first Christmas and he's going to make A Thing of it.

Derek rolls his eyes when Stiles dresses Jake in it for the first time on Christmas Eve, but his small smile shows that he's as into this as Stiles is even though he's trying not to show it.

"That is horrifying," Derek says.

"It's charming," Stiles protests, handing Jake over for inspection.

"Can you say 'Daddy is ridiculous'?" Derek asks the baby. Jake babbles something that sounds absolutely nothing like that, but he's not even a year old yet so Stiles cuts him some slack. Derek cuddles the baby to his chest and Stiles' heart just about melts. He snaps a quick picture with his phone, Derek rolls his eyes.

"How much time to we have until everyone starts showing up?" Derek asks.

"Dad said he'd be here after his shift," Stiles says. "He's got Christmas off for the first time in forever and he's pretty excited about it. I think Scott and Kira will be here a bit after that." Derek grunts and turns to show Jake the Christmas tree. Jake marvels at the lights. Stiles fidgets awkwardly.

Derek and John's relationship has been a bit strained ever since Stiles told Derek what had happened with his first pregnancy. Stiles knows that it isn't his fault, but he can't help but feel guilty over it, especially with how Derek had looked up to John before.

Derek notices Stiles' mood and goes over to him, wrapping him up in a hug with Jake between them, delighting in the sudden snuggles.

"I'm not gonna get in a fight with your father," Derek says.

"I know," Stiles says. "I just wish it didn't have to be like this. He… I don't think he did it to hurt me, he just wanted what was best for me."

"Maybe," Derek says. "But it was still a shitty thing he did." Stiles nods. He knows that his dad loves him and loves Jake. Sometimes it's still difficult for Stiles to see them together. But he's not going to let himself get down on Christmas. He has his boyfriend and his baby, he's finished with college, and they have family coming to visit.

It's going to be a good night.

.


End file.
